Two or three times a night, every night, I wake up, remembering that our precious little creature is sleeping next door. I'm instantly filled with an incredible sense of love, an incredible sense of pride, an incredible sense of peace. And then I worry. Worry that it could all be taken away if anything were to happen to that little boy. That my heart would be broken. That I would be broken, forever. No rational thought can reassure me. The only comfort is him. Seeing him in his cot. Seeing the rise and fall of his chest. Laying my hand on his tummy to make sure it's moving. That he is ok. That we are all ok for another day.
Two or three times a night. Every night.
17 comments:
Oh I know that feeling. So well. It never goes away, well not so far for me any way. xx
I agree with Corinne hun, it never goes away. EVER!
I always checked both my kids in the night, several times, to make sure they were breathing.
We are leaving the kids for a week while we head to Coachella Festival in 3 weeks. You would not BELIEVE the crap that has entered my mind recently, worrying about the trip. The usual, the plane might crash etc, a stage falling down at the festival, will the kids be ok, what if they get sick, or hurt, and I'm not there for them.... At the end of the day, I think I need to turn my brain off and just be in the moment.
Hope you get a full nights rest soon hun. xx
Oh, reading this and the other comments makes me feel a little better. I'm not the only one and neither are you. I used to really worry about taking my newborn son out in fear that someone may smoke near him or the pollution would affect his breathing etc. etc. As time goes by it gets better, the worries just change. A different age, a different stage. Hope you're feeling a little better about it soon and get a good nights sleep. Leahx
Yep - it's an overwhelming need to know they're a-ok isn't it?
I've recently left for a morning walk and forgotten to check in on my 3 year old Magoo (who doesn't usually sleep in) before I left the house.
Even though my husband was at home (also snoring away) I just about broke my neck to get home and check on him.
I doubt we'll ever be carefree again!!!
:-) x
Oh sweetheart, welcome to motherhood. It is amazing how powerful that urge is to protect and watch out for and just KNOW what they're doing and that they're alright. I remember being the exact same way for many many months after both of my boys were born. In time, the multiple check-in's ease up, but without fail the first thing I think about when I wake up are if the boys are ok. I believe it's universal too, as many Mama's I have spoken to about this say a similar thing. A lovely post Bridget and gorgeous little tootsies in the photo too xo
Oh i know that feeling. It was SO strong at the beginning and so huge and so new.... i'm used to it now and fill my brain with thoughts of gratitude to try and replace the fear with as many thank yous as i can possibly whisper under my breath in a few minutes.... it works...mostly.
I do this all the time! I even do it in the day when Lila has been asleep for longer than expected - then I go in just to check and wake her up. I guess that's part and parcel of loving something so much x
I know exactly what you mean! We used a baby monitor for far longer than the social norm - our friends thought we were nuts, because we weren't using it to hear for crying, we were using it because we loved hearing the snuffling, snoring and sleep-singing!
Bob has only just started spending time in her own room and I can't sleep! They just mean the world!
Love the toes!!
My little boy turned 1 a week ago and I still go in to check on him at night to see if he is still breathing.
If anything ever happened to him I don't know how I'd carry on.
Enjoy these days they are amazing, and everyone knows little boys are absolutely the BEST! x
Gorgeous photo! And it seems this is terribly, terribly normal... My husband told me he went through this with his sons when they were little, checking on them several times through the night. Even now when they are tweens/teens her checks on them most nights when they are staying with us.
And if I'm entirely honest I get this feeling about my two dogs sometimes too! When I wake up in the middle of the night I always give them a pat and check they're breathing. Oh dear, RIDICULOUS, yes?
Nothing like motherhood to shake up your way of being...i remember being so taken aback by that feeling of utter vulnerability x
(he's a little spunk your guy)
Oh Bridget I do the exact same thing. Every night before I go to bed I check on Little Miss, and every time I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night (which at the moment is A LOT). And I'll definitely be doing it when the baby arrives I'm sure.
In fact, I can see myself still doing it in 10 years time! xx
Oh so glad it's not just me! My girl is 2 weeks old and I check that she's breathing about 20 times a night. I even set my alarm to wake me at regular intervals during the night to make sure I don't sleep too long! Having this much to lose frightens the bujeesus out of me!
Oh so glad it's not just me! My girl is 2 weeks old and I check that she's breathing about 20 times a night. I even set my alarm to wake me at regular intervals during the night to make sure I don't sleep too long! Having this much to lose frightens the bujeesus out of me!
man, I went through that for months every night with my first one. I was absolutely convinced that at some point he would be taken away from me and I would lie there sobbing. Gradually, the weird obsession got less and less but it still hits me once in a while. I know I would break into half. Being a mother is a slap in the face sometimes but the love is worth it!
....Yes, I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. With our boy in the bassinette beside me, I find myself checking him when I don't hear his premi' grunts and noises. So beautiful to see him peacefully sleeping.I am paranoid enough that I think we will set up the 'Angel Care' monitor tonight.
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