That old chestnut

About a year ago, I met with the Medical Director at a huge pharma company. I was at the pinnacle of my job hunting escapade, feeling pretty delirious from all the knock backs, and just about ready to give up. I'd been put in touch with this guy through someone I'd met who knew someone who knew this guy. Typical Hong Kong. All about networks. The MD was great. Dynamic, articulate, interesting, and in the position to hire and fire. He was a man I needed to know. He wasn't trying to fill any roles at the time but he was happy to share his time and knowledge with me. I walked away from our meeting all those months ago feeling positive, inspired. Like I'd learnt some precious information about the local job market and the pharma industry. But a great chat was all I thought it was. I never expected to hear from him again.

When Fletch was two weeks old, he called me.

"We've got this role. Actually, we've got three. And I think you'd be great. Interested?".

Right. Okaaaaaaaay.

"I was desperately searching for a job for 12 bloody months and you decide to dangle one in front of me two weeks, TWO WEEKS after I've had a baby? You've got to be kidding! Could your timing be any worse?!!"

Clearly I didn't say this to him but sweet jesus I was shouting it on the inside. Loudly, I might add. Lo' and behold I thought it might be wise to explore the opportunity further. You know, keep all my options open. And so I did. It couldn't hurt, surely. He emailed me the job spec, we talked some more, emailed some more, and today we met to talk it through.

And this is what I've now got in front of me....

The almost offer of a really good full-time job, with career progression opportunities, in a global company, learning about cutting edge, life changing products. And all with a great manager. Basically everything I wanted out of life, a career, 3 months ago. But now? Now, I've got Fletch. My heart, my soul, my life. All wrapped up in one little baby who I adore spending every single minute of every single day with. He has changed EVERYTHING.

And now I find myself contemplating that old chestnut. You know the one I'm sure all you mums out there have contemplated and agonised over a thousand times before. Do I work, and satisfy my desire for a career, an income, independence? For working towards my own career goals I've had simmering in my slowly deteriorating mind, for years now? Or, do I relish the time I have to stay at home with my first born son? Time I know I'll never have again. Giving him all the love, affection and time he so deserves? Watching him grow, change, learn, smile?

You see, it's one or the other. I just know that I can't do both. I can't work full time, and be with my son in these early days, watching him evolve. And I can't stay at home, and still get the career satisfaction I thought I so desperately wanted.

So.... I have a choice to make.

And although it's bloody hard, it's pretty clear to me which one I'm going to take. But it doesn't make the decision or the sacrifice any easier.

But, it is a choice. And I'm grateful that at least I've got one.

Have you had to decide between working or staying at home to care for your kids? 

What did you choose? How did you decide?