It's like the first time you have sex. You build this thing up in your mind for so long, hypothesising every possible outcome, wondering whether you're making the right decision. Will I regret it? Have I done the right thing? When does everyone else do it? How does everyone else do it? You think about it far too much and then, once the deed is done, you wonder, really? Was that it? What on earth was I so worried about? All that worry, all that anticipation. And for what?
Every week I seem to come across a new something in this journey of motherhood that throws me. Something I need to do to or for or with Fletch for the first time. I think about it, anticipate it, worry about it, think about it some more, consider it, ponder it, until I've annoyed myself and everyone around me with the endless cogitation.
Do you know the sorts of things I mean?
Here's an example. We umm'd and ahhh'd till the cows came home about giving Fletch some formula. I've been exclusively breastfeeding and was hoping to do so for a while yet, but the midwife at the baby clinic we go to has been a bit worried about his weight and suggested that we should give Fletch an extra feed in the evening. I'd run out of my stores of frozen breastmilk so a bottle of formula was the only option.
I felt like I was cheating.
Like I should be able to feed him everything he needs.
Like somehow Fletch would hold it against me.
Or that someone would hold it against me.
Or that a brothel-esque whirring red light would start flashing with a loud siren outside my door to announce to everyone in the world that I'd done it.
Giving this occasional bottle of formula was clearly the biggest deal in the world.
Well, sod that. Fletch didn't even bloody notice. He sucked down that bottle of formula like I would a glass of champagne. And afterwards? Surprise, surprise. No loud siren. No flashing light. No national announcement.
The reality of this whole motherhood game, is that no one but you actually gives a shit (in a good way). Of course people care and are willing to help and can offer an opinion. But at the end of the day, those worries about someone out there holding one of your decisions against you? It's bullshit. Because your opinion is the only one that matters. Your decisions are the only ones you have to live with.
I think that's why I feel the pressure. No one can put pressure on me like me. I'm amazing at it. Superb. A+ in that department. But I need to learn to back the fuck off.
Stop worrying. Stop worrying. Stop worrying.
He will be ok.
It's exhausting worrying all the time. I'm tired enough as it is.
And all that worry I expend on today, I'm seriously going to need for tomorrow.
5 comments:
You've nailed it!!
No one else is as invested in our bubs.
As interesting as their nappies, feeding or little quirks are, as parents we're the only ones who will lose sleep over it.
I love your perspective.
From a fellow worrier - great job.
You are a wise one!!
:-) xx
Oh Bridget, this post resonates so well with me. I am also that crazy person who puts the pressure on myself... you know what, NO ONE else does. I have supportive EVERYONE in my life, but I can't help but over-think everything, worry what other people might think and try to do it all without asking for help.
My Mama looked after the boys on Saturday night, I don't often leave them and when I do I feel I need to compensate for going out, so I try to have them fed/bathed/settled before I leave. And my Mum actually stopped me and said "you stress too much!" And she's right.
It's hard being this way, but I'm determined to change.
I was the same about the formula too, but my boys were both such guzzlers that I needed to give them both breast and bottle... and what do you know, it worked for everyone!
Great post for all Mama's out there Bridget. You're doing a stella job hun xoxo
We started giving one twin formula after feedings because she was still hungry. When we visited the doc for our two month appointment, she said that by doing the same for the other twin, we could help her reach her full potential. I finally realized that a breastfed baby is a breastfed baby. Adding a little formula doesn't make them less healthy, it just gives them more calories. The other option is to boost your milk supply. Adding feedings does that, but taking brewer's yeast, avoiding mints (cilantro, etc., which dry your milk) and also taking fenugreek, will help increase your milk supply by about 1/3 or more. Fenugreek is used in curry dishes and fake maple syrup, so it's something you'd consume as a food, and brewer's yeast is B vitamin in its raw form. Both are safe.
Totally hear you! I was always so nervous about the health centre visits and if the nurse thought I was being a good mum, second time round you wait - so much easier in terms of the pressure you place on yourself and you totally give less of a poo what people think. I cried my eyes out the first time I gave my son (first child) who was 4 months old formula - so silly looking back now! Your doing an amazing job I'm sure and your gorgeous little boy looks like he is thriving.
Good for you. I never breast fed my baby and he is and was very healthy. No one recalls as an adult how they were fed. My kid's very happy because I am happy- that's all that matters x
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