There's a lot of shit going down in my world at the moment. Not directly to me, but to a lot of people I love. Some of it's really private stuff, marriage stuff, some it's really life-threatening stuff, cancer stuff, and some of it is really bloody scary, very-close-call accident stuff (BabyMac wrote about this one).
When shit goes down, it's bad. When shit goes down and you're half way around the world? It becomes a different kind of bad that those that have lived far away from home will know all too well.
You aren't there to be an everyday support. To drive people around, cook dinners, make beds.
You aren't there for hospital visits, home visits, any visits.
You aren't there to be a friend. To lend an ear, a shoulder, your heart.
You just aren't there.
You aren't there at a time when you know you could help.
You aren't there at a time when all you want to do is be a friend.
You aren't there at a time when your whole body and self is screaming to be there.
I feel helpless and hopeless at the moment, because I'm not there for these people I love so dearly.
I'm just not there.