Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Food fight

Terrible picture but I think it captures the moment rather well...
You know sometimes you have moments when you want to violently throw your hands up, storm out and fucking shout loudly "NOT MY PROBLEM!"? But of course you can't because that problem is in fact your nine month old baby, who of course you love dearly, but who right now is driving you fucking insane? Yeah, well that's me. Three times a day at the moment. Breakfast, lunch and fucking dinner.

Fletch will sit in his high chair for all of about six seconds before the performance starts. Everything and anything that is put in front of him gets picked up, looked at and thrown aggressively onto the floor. I actually just went to open the balcony door mid-writing this, looked down and found two menacing blueberries perched on the floor. Exhibit f'ing A. Anything I attempt to put is his mouth gets blatantly refused. Scrambled eggs, porridge, pureed fruit, pieces of fruit, vegetables, fish, chicken, toast. Bloody everything. Except yoghurt. Yoghurt he will eat. The only thing he will eat.

He has perfected the pouty head turn. The tantrum head smack against the table. The slam of the spoon. And even a 9-month-old-version of talk-to-the-hand. Just so he's sure I get the picture....Don't worry sweetheart. I GET IT.

Next he decides he's had enough of the high chair and in fact he would like to sit on the table. Which of course I don't object to if it means getting another spoonful of food into his mouth. But as usual, sitting on the table entertains him for all of five fucking seconds before he's had enough of that too. I have toys, spoons, TV remotes and the like at his disposal as some pitiful attempt at distraction. But of course, they all end up on the fucking floor. Of course they do. He'll occasionally dive head first back into his high chair or head first for the floor. At which point he'll find an unsuspecting blueberry and decide that ok, I'll give it a crack now. No hang on, it'll be more fun if I slam it into the floor.

Usually he'll then go for whatever I've got. Today it was my water from my water glass. His water bottle clearly didn't cut it, because of course my fucking water tastes better. So again, I don't object. As long as it goes down and stays down. And it does for the first few sips and then he gets overexcited and takes too big a gulp which ends up in him choking on his water, going red in the face, watery eyes, followed by a giant sized vomit containing everything I've just painstakingly attempted to fucking get into him.

He looks up at me with vomit all over his clothes, snot coming out of his mouth and a massive grin on his face. And all is forgiven. Somehow the frustration of the past half an hour disappears and all I see is my beautiful boy. And me, covered in vomit. I breathe a sigh of relief that it's over.

Until lunch, when we do it all again....

Shoot me now.

ps. Soz about all the swearing. Frustration levels were clearly high post vom this morning...

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just had to laugh. Have not got that stage with Ollie and food but he wants everything else that we have, has his own laptop but that's not good enough and wants mine and same with the phone has his own but mine is better and you know how it goes :)

Tash

Mama of 2 boys said...

Oh Bridget, it's not easy is it. They have such strong little wills and meal times can be an absolute nightmare, at any age! Quite a turn off sometimes too, if you're trying to eat at the same time as them.
He may be a little troublemaker, but oh my, he is CUTE! xo

[Good Mum Hunting] said...

Sound like a typical boy to me. Ted is the same. Meal times are still difficult and he's 20 months old. Sometimes he's great, other times we are all covered in HIS food!

All I can say is I hope it's just a phase.

There is nothing worse though, than the cough vomit. NOTHING WORSE!

Hang in there x

Jossie loves said...

Wet myself laughing - but then sobered up to feel for you big time - my son used to do that - or when he finally had food in his mouth would raspberry it back ALL OVER me. I made the fatal mistake of laughing the first couple of times. Not cute three times a day, day in, day out.

He then went through a phase of only eating white food - bread, cheese, yoghurt. Nice. Now has coeliac disease - could it be the years of 2-4 on the white stuff???

Christ - it never ends. Good thing is you have cute on your hands with Fletch. Saving grace during the dark hours plus a good slug of wine to get through dinner. For you not him, yet!

xxxxx

Cat from Raspberry Rainbow said...

Oh I hate this phase, my 2 daughters did it too, drove me nuts. The youngest often ate most of her mess up off the floor, I did not care in the end - floor food is better than no food.

Is he teething? Mine often only ate yoghurt only when teething. Yoghurt for a few weeks wont hurt him, he'll get sick of it eventually. Kids often go through phases where they eat little for weeks on end, then will eat more than you some days (I only realised this after our second child, and after lots of worrying over our very petite first born)

Glad he (you?) likes the Telletubbies too, my fave!

::The Beetle Shack:: said...

dude, you have got me wishing I did my pelvic floor excises. This laughter is making me wee ;)

You're so fucking great. Doing a splendid job feeding that little fletch of yours.

But that floor, it will NEVER be clean again. Please don;t tell me you wipe it after EACH meal. Sanity requires you to leave it till the end of the day, or the week, depending.

MUCH LOVE TO YOU madam f*bomb

xxxx

can we have a christmas in HK post?

THERESA S said...

Bridget! I'm so glad I found your blog again. We used to communicate when I was blogging and planning my wedding. Hasn't time flown! Your boy is delicious. Mason's only just started on solids this week and its so exciting! I can't help but giggle at your post! Haha "..because of course my fucking water tastes better."

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